she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
