He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
