You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
