I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Gay?
German.
Pity.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
