why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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