whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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