god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
