On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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