I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
