I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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