Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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