This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
