My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
