Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
