these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
its liver damage thursday
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
