lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
