Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
