Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
