You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
