well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
