just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's never too late to be topless.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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