I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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