So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
