Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
