I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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