my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
