I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
