Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
