He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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