you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
