you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
