the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
