Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
