New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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