Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
