chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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