you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
