God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Do vagina's smell?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
