just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
