no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize