I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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