College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
