I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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