I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
