My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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