It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
