you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
