READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
