Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
