I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I need to sanitize my soul.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
