on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
