new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
