yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
