I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
