Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
