He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
