So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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