Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
