My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
