and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She told me I should be a condom model.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
