Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
