Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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