Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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