I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
