i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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