I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
