I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Come on in and take your pants off
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