I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I queefed so loud it echoed.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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