I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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